Centuries long oppression and hate against women and girls, which seems to go on and on is reason enough to be fucking angry.

I see this division very clearly in the art scene where working class based artists and audiences are minority, at least working class-ness is a very distant echo. Feminist theory and queer theory are very popular topics in the arts, which of course deal with important issues, but I have felt the more theory is emphasized the more distant art gets. This goes with feminism which paradoxically and firstly is about making change happen on grass root level not only on idea level, which is of course vital what comes to making change in academic studying and research more welcoming to women. So far historically Feminism is divided into three waves which begin from suffrage movement evolving to development of ideas and to action of women’s liberation movement and third wave is continuation and reaction to the second wave feminism There is hostility in Feminism which can keep it distant and repulsive. It is accused of hating men, hating sex, but looking from what kinds of issues Feminism springs out feelings of hate are more than understandable.

Feminism is first a movement, demonstration and fierce action claiming equal rights for all, possibilities to choose how to live. After having put action out Feminist theory started to develop. Prejudice has made it so that Feminism is not mainstream ideology even we are bound to it as ideology. It is not all that common to be working class feminist. Feminist theory is working and looking out from middle-class points of views and is seen as radical movement of those who can afford radicalism still. Working class is not all that radical anymore, at least not in Finland. They are scared and conformist, contents consuming quiet citizens. Feminist theory does not address everyone as doesn’t science as a whole even though it is meaning of science to serve everyone. Elitism and academic towers can be isolating. To talk to only certain kind of people of social change is not enough to make that change needed happen. Change required does not happen within middle-class, in academies and in theory, theory is empowering as is being able to think for yourself. Middle-class and working class do not respect each other enough, know each other enough, speak the same language or even want to understand each other. There is a mutual contempt there which stops multilevel action, compassion and collaboration.

What is gender, what is the meaning of gender? Is gender the most important ruling feature of people? How much does it dictate what happens to me? Funnily it has got to do with everything there possibly is in life. Gender dictates something naturally, people make strange delusional gender rules and orders themselves. Many say in this day Feminism is outdated, that Feminism has lost its power and meaning in making equality happen because it is about women, because capitalism has harnessed Feminism since Feminists demanded women right to work outside their homes. It is a shame to be a Feminist to demand equal rights as people. It is like a profanity and curse just like being a woman has been. How odd it sounds to be female and a curse. Most appalled I am that women curse gender of theirs, themselves and other women. The matter of division of genders is one of the biggest errors of mankind since now we know we all have both female and male qualities in us, therefore Feminism is about all people. It is to benefit all. That a man can walk like a woman, talk like a woman and I can weld if I like and still be feminine.

Buy cinnamon, onions, tofu, apples and ingredients for chocolate cake

Daisy Cutter BLU 82B Commando Vault impact area of a football field
wrote down nucleus vocabulary like justice, God and truth and Daisy Cutter like someone next door.
religious affiliations in God’s country
emanations of reality naturalizing sacred silent language of a bomb

Yellow leaves in yellow trees as a mass against each other
I noticed with my side eye
there was someone standing there next to me
fanciful impulse of hacking and digging, picturing, looking by accident
wind a vertical drum trembling leaves and horsepower for raising ore on a whim.

What one is to do with one’s life and how much is it an issue of state?

To smudge, mess, brake, disturb, move, make noise to be heard. Picture of a burning car, burning flag, people holding images, bankrolls with slogans, tape on someone’s mouth, posters, prints, events, interventions, riots, to throw stones, destroy shops, banks, coffee houses, public spaces, spray cans, tear gas, police wearing riot gear, shields of police, people holding hands in fists, there is the blame, hurt, demand and shout, something has caused a problem too big to tolerate and nothing is changing, the same just goes on and on, people must do something to provoke a change but what.

Since it is not a perfect world of man, we equal as people with weaknesses, with gigantic flaws at least flaws are given gigantic proportions. One flaw is to yearn for power because of power. To hold power, use power, obtain it, throw it, cast a vote. Tradition of democracy, given power. How to make flaws our strength? How to learn to see that we are our flaws, perfection in imperfection to be found. How could there be wisdom found globally so that instead of looking for flaws and trying to erase them we would think them as precious. What kind of flaw is valuable?

I have an idea of normal, but it is not me. It is outside of me. I’m not sure I understand me sometimes. Am I irrational? There are things that are normal for me to do daily like brushing my teeth twice a day, I go to bed and sleep the night, dream it. 

but then when I go on I step out of the mainstream. I probably don’t want to continue thinking what is mainstream, but I assume it is the main thing.

 

medication, psychotherapy, hospitalization, Who can be cured and who not, what is to cure, how to know what is actually wrong. Are there hopeless cases? How to face someone who is mentally ill? Should I be scared? Mental illnesses are problematic in many ways, difficult to treat, to diagnose, difficult to live with. How can we tell when society is mentally ill?

It is a very painful experience to be depressed. Stress and constant facing of ill in life make possibility of mental illness higher than for those who live in secure environment. This is my equation and result of it. Levels of stress in life and how one tolerates stress, deal with setbacks indicate clearly how are we doing mentally and we will be doing. Where does the border of ill and healthy go? What kind of behavior is seen as sick and what not? Illness breaks the atmosphere of normal everyday. We see ill since it is part of life, but we like to avoid and separate it from us because we are scared and disgusted. Healthy atmosphere of there is nothing wrong is a bit strange and hygienic. Can there be such a state on social level of hygiene or is there always a factor of wrongness, a crack, better yet must there be some kind of imbalance and sense of danger for us to find happiness? Secure steady life is an ideal for many. We want to avoid being scared and not knowing what will happen next.

Danger of it, danger in living, danger of getting killed or injured. Some people like to defy it, death.

Interesting book of essays for today Landscape and Power edited by W.J.T. Mitchell 1994

Poured my clay balls on a nearby bench

Poured my clay balls on a nearby bench